Pure Deterioration

This is how I feel, I know i'm deteriorating, by performance. It's kinda hard to say so, and shameful to say for someone as motivated as myself that I cannot find it in me to fight against the feelings of loosing my momentum. I used to be buried down by all my work, but strangely enough I was able to keep it together.

Now, I'm not sure why, and I know as hell nobody will be able to help me as i'm just.......and i should help myself up, but how? I hate this feeling of taking what I have for granted. I don't want to, and I know I shouldn't , but I do. This is what I'm doing, and it hurts my soul that I'm going against my means.

Is it because I haven't found what am looking for? What am I really passionate about?, what am really I good at? It seems I'm very average at most things. WTH? Yes, I am determined to finish my studies,and I have to admit that with the level of self-confidence I have in myself, i isn't all that hard, but what makes thing extremely difficult is that I can't seem to be enthusiastic and passionate about it. 

Am I  taking my capabilities and abilities for granted? I know that I could grasp on a concept quite easily, I know I can achieve high marks if I wanted to put an effort to it, I know for sure that I can analyze difficult material and come to the level  very high of understanding that enables me to connect one concept to another. I know it all, but instead of using this knowledge and confidence to assist me, I kinda use it against me.

Now, I take things too lightly, too lenient, I don't find studying to be very adventures anymore, at times I feel like I should be able to grasp information even without further assistance.( I'm taking it for granted). What happen to me?

I miss studying in my diploma years, I take things seriously, I didn't know of my abilities and I didn't really belief in my self, not to that kind of confidence that I have now. However to be honest, they are the one that pushed me to put in extra effort. I did not take education for granted. 

Or am I too far from you God? Have life been occupying me so much that I forgot all the important things in life? But I do remember You all the time. Have I been taking your gift for granted? Have I been blinded by the lights? What is it that deteriorates me? I don't thing I've change that much, I don't have a lot of issues, or self conflict that needed much attention like other people do. I don't have boyfriend problem to distract me, I don't really have problems with friends (in fact.. i'm happy=D) , what is it? 

This is all I have, and I'm tossing it away, not fully utilizing the opportunity to be something great, why? Should I go to a counseling session then? Haha. 

It's hard for me to feel empty, I believe i'm filled. I don't go search for the wrong things, I know for a fact that if ever we feel down or a bit empty, the only one we should run to is God, for He is always there, always care, always and always.

Sometimes it feels like my time is running short, I'll leave someday, I should make my days worthwhile, so go on almas, what's stopping you? God help me, for you are The Only One who understand everything, in You i trust. 

Ok, enough with confession, I've got economics test tomorrow.

P/s: I'm okay. Just a lil bit uninspired.=D